Q&A: Fruits on the path of meditation
When I am meditating, I feel my head expanding, and I feel that something is pounding the top of my head.
Two seemingly contradictory things are happening. On the one hand, you feel that your head is expanding. This is the purified consciousness that is expanding in your mind. On the other hand, your impure consciousness is trying to pull down light from above by force. When it does this, you feel a heavy pressure.
When the pure forces in us want to bring down something from above, there is no pressure. When our little divinity looks up and invites the highest divinity to enter, it sees its oneness with the Highest. It is like a child who sees his father. The child is not afraid because he knows this is his own father. He calls his father, and his father comes to him. But if he invites someone else's father, he may be afraid of that person. He may fear that that man will show him an angry face and say, "Why did you call me?" Because that person is unfamiliar, the child experiences a kind of uneasiness and fear.
Similarly, when the impure mind invites the highest divinity to descend, the divinity is ready to come, but the impure mind is afraid. It thinks it will be crushed. It does not get any familiar feeling. But the divine in us does get a familiar feeling when it sees the highest divinity coming down. It is the undivine in us that is always afraid of the divine, even though at times it wants to see the divine. It feels uneasy, and this gives us a severe pressure in the head.